In a startling insight into the Australian Grocery Industry, The Satire has revealed some startling insights into this startling drama, that startled The Satire.
How The Satire broke the story earlier today (then reprinted it as a source for another story to give both stories more credibility by referencing each other):
Key players in the grocery industry today revealed information the ACCC has failed to find after investigating for a staggering 150 days (or a few months if you want a more neutral, not-blown-out-of-proportion figure).
Despite not coming up with anything conclusive about the alleged "evil" practices of the "Big Two" supermarkets Coles and Woolworths, exclusive anonymous sources from the retail sector have exclusively given The Satire information that we will now exclusively reveal to readers.
An interview with Mr X (did you know that's how journalists get quotes and information from sources?) yesterday by The Satire (did you know that's the name of this newspaper, where this article appears in?) confirmed the fears of many Australian shoppers.
Cunning practices such as the price of milk increasing 30 per cent in a month, or HomeBrand Wheat Bran increasing from 34c to 37c over an eight-week period, have finally been linked to the "obvious" practice of profit-seeking, Mr X claims.
"Isn't it clear to everyone? Prices have increased because supermarkets want to make money. When things become more expensive, supermarkets rise prices to compensate," Mr X said.
But one shopper, Tyra-Jade Lee, said that this didn't explain why some products had such a high mark-up.
"But, like, when I go to buy, like, milk, it cost (sic) me $3.00 for a 2L carton of Light Start and now it costed (sic) me $4.70!" Ms Lee exclaimed when we spoke to her on the street the other day when scrambling around for a quote from an "expert".
Mr X said these claims only support his evidence.
"Supermarkets place massive mark-ups on products such as 1KG cheese or Vegemite because they know people will be stupid enough to buy it, which will result in larger sales," Mr X exclusively said during an exclusive interview late yesterday afternoon.
"Just like cigarettes, but nobody ever complains about the price of those!"
HAVE YOUR SAY in our poll* below:
- Do you believe it is unrealistic in the current dire global economic crisis a company should charge more so it doesn't go bankrupt?
- Or would you prefer to never be able to buy groceries any more?
*Disclaimer: This poll contains loaded questions that will give results favouring our biased point of view (because we are telling you how to think) and will only be answered by about 200 people, which we will then lead you to believe is representative of Australia.
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